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Monday, Feb. 07, 2005 - Weak
I continue to reveal my weaknesses in subtle yet overwhelming ways. I don't know how to stop it. I need to be literally forced to run my own life, make my own decisions, be my own person. If not then I fall behind/under everyone else.
Out in public I can not look anyone in the eye for fear of being exposed. But what exactly do I have to hide? It's as though I've forgotten how to live, behave outside of the norm, interact with other people.
Where do I go then to remind myself? Out to the club alone, get drunk, make a fool of myself, do something as stupid as go home with someone and get fucked just cause that's something I have done.
There has to be another way but where to start...