I broke down and told The Queen, the tension was just too much between us. The tone in her voice immediately went from hard to soft.

Why? Is it because of me? The same questions she asked last time.

She bought me chocolate as a peace offering.

And that's exactly what I don't want. I don't want sympathy, pity or attention from this. I don't want anyone to walk on egg shells around me for fear of "bringing me down" and I most certainly don't want to be babied or sweet talked.

I don't want people to try to understand, it's just too complicated to explain. How exactly do you justify what you yourself don't comprehend? I don't want to be analyzed like a science experiment, torn apart in hopes of piecing me back together straight...right...perfect.

This is my own private hell, you can attempt to fix me but I won't guarantee success.